My Two State Solution

All this talk in the news of a "two state solution" has had me thinking that it is a very good idea... For America.

Instead of forcing those fundamentalist Christians who want a "Christian nation" to be traitors to America, why not just give them what they want? It could be -- not dissimilar to the good old Confederate States of America of days gone by -- The Christian States of America.

I think it is a great solution. The USA gets to keep its revolutionary form of government, and the god-fearing citizens of the CSA get to go back to a more traditional sort: a monarchy, since that is the divinely chosen form of government ("If it's good enough for heaven, it's good enough for the CSA.").

I have worked out some of the arrangements...

Currency: The dollar can remain the currency for both nations. We can keep Liberty on our money, they can keep In God We Trust on theirs. That's a much better arrangement, since fundamentalist religion and freedom are anathema, anyway.

They will need a new Constitution. But that is simple: Slap a second label on the bible. That way, there will be a Constitution in every motel room (which will be handy for the Catholic priests with little boys and the televangelists with hookers). That will make for an involved citizenry; something that every nation should have. And they can leave our Constitution, with absolutely no mention of any gods, alone.

We should, upon the formal split, elect a body of scientists, historians, ethicists, lawyers (funny to see ethicists and lawyers mentioned in the same sentence, huh?) and logicians to review US Code and make sure that everything in there is fact-based, compassion-based, and reasonable. Freedom of religion is already spelled out in the Bill of Rights, but I, for one, would like to see one of the first acts of the new Congress be a resolution declaring a renewed dedication to freedom of religion and conscience in the US.

They will need a government. Pretty simple. 1: No legislature is necessary. The Law has already been handed down and put in place. 2. A judiciary will be necessary to interpret the finer points of the application of biblical law (e.g., What specific acts of defiance justify stoning children to death? If a woman is raped by several men at once, which one must marry her? Stuff like that.). 3. I am not sure if an executive will be needed, as the head honcho is already in place for them. He'll just need spokespeople, which he already has on TV. So that is pretty much set.

Both nations will need flags. Ours can be pretty much the same, with the number of stars adjusted (Personally, I'd love to add the word "Liberty" somewhere). I am not sure what they might choose, but you can be pretty sure it'd be funny.

Our Pledge of Allegiance can revert back to its original, patriotic form, without having to defer to any supernatural power. (Personally, I'd love it to be: "I voluntarily pledge allegiance to the Constitution of the United States of America, and to the Ideals for which it stands, with Liberty, Justice, Dignity, and Compassion for all.)

While the US will probably continue to struggle with healthcare issues, the CS will have no such problems. Faith Healing and prayer will suffice. Consider it a sort of "single provider" system.

What geographic region will make up this new nation? I figure we can work something out that will be approximately what we now call The Bible Belt, which is pretty much synonymous with the old CSA/slave states (coincidence?).

There are lots of little things to iron out, of course. As they say, "the devil is in the details." But that's not a problem for a nation that is based on the inerrant word of one of the thousands of gods who have existed throughout human history, is it?

There are, I admit, some pitfalls to the idea.

1. They will inevitably end up in a civil war, as they disagree which Christianity is right and whose version should be the one used by police for enforcement and by the courts for interpretation. This was happening in the American colonies and early states (which is why the Constitution was written the way it was) and I see no evidence that it would be any different now. For this reason, I think we will need to immediately establish a treaty establishing our neutrality in matters involving gods/doctrines/dogmas/etc.

2. The new nation will immediately be a human rights concern on the world stage. Travelers to the CS will need to be warned that they could be considered enemies of the CS if they associate with any second-class citizens (which will be, by definition, anyone that does not prescribe to the official religious doctrine). In fact, any foreigner should expect to be considered a minion of some demonic force (if they were on the side of the right God, they'd already be CS citizens, after all). Once the civil war is over, the oppression of the "wrong" Christians will be a huge human rights issue.

3. As a result of 1 and 2, the US will need to prepare for a flood of refugees. Theocracies have a solid record of abusing their citizens, and we will need to expend resources to help these people. In fact, our initial treaty might well include a clause that allows for payments from the CS to the US for any refugees we take in. These payments can help the CS refugees quickly settle in and become productive citizens of our nation without taking resources away from our own citizens.

4. It will be expensive to move any science-related facilities that are in soon-to-be CSA states to the US. The CS will have no need for such facilities (they already have all the answers they need), so the equipment and staff will need to be relocated before the properties are turned into churches, bible schools, bible camps, and creationist "museums." Some of the cost of this relocation can be recouped by the collection of taxes from US churches (just as we tax other businesses), the technological and innovative edges the US will gain from a dedication to science and industry (Remember the motto on the first US coin: "Liberty: Parent of Science and Industry"), and the lower criminal system costs we will have to incur.

There are lots of things to iron out, but it can be done, God willing.

Thanks for your time. And God Bless the CSA.