Life With Judy: The Incomplete Life

First, a little background for those of you who may not know about my sister, who lives with me and my wife: Judy is my big sister. She's 22 years older than me -- 67 -- and has suffered from birth with a developmental disability. That is, her brain did not develop "normally." She is rather high functioning, though; enough so that she understands her disability and feels the frustration and anger for not being able to live a "normal life." She lacks the freedom to make many of her own choices in life. Although Diane and I do what we can to give Judy a myriad of experiences, there is no way to ever give her the life that she might dare to dream of.

One of the things that Judy used to talk about when she was young, and I was a little kid, was getting married and having a family. She wanted the sort of fairy tale wedding/babies story that little girls dream of. This was never something that she could have -- and perhaps she knew that deep inside -- and I suspect that is a big part of the anger and frustration that she lives with.

She has been watching The Bachelor on television (SEE NOTE). Tonight, there is a wedding on the show (Jason and Molly, I believe). They are having a huge, facetious, Hollywood-type wedding and Judy is watching it. I was sitting next to her on the couch with the laptop (which I have now moved to the kitchen) when I looked over and remembered how much she wanted something like that. I became both sad and angry at once. To say "it's not fair" would be the grossest understatement, but I also understand the reality of biological life, the tenuousness of what we call a normal human life. Some people just get screwed in DNA's quest to replicate itself. My sister is one such person.

I suspect that the life-long torture of my sister has had some influence on my religious views. While it is true that from a rational, fact-based point of view, I simply find no evidence for any of the many gods various human tribes have proposed, I also find it even harder to believe that there could be any sort of loving super-sky-daddy. Call it the Problem of Evil, if you will (Check out the first episode of Mr. Deity on YouTube). I can't imagine anything more twisted, sick and evil than the sorts of physical deformities -- don't forget that developmental issues are physical deformities -- that are imposed upon innocent children. I've watched my sister's torment for my entire life -- you can cram your "loving god" fairy tale up your ass.

Having pets in the house -- a dog,cats, and parrots -- helps to make Judy feel more like she is in the midst of a family and keeps her occupied. She babies the cats, especially. I think she had long had a sort of mother complex about me, too, which is why it was such a tough adjustment for my wife. Judy probably felt displaced to some extent and gave her hell for quite some time, blaming Diane for any problems ("Everthing was fine until Diane showed up" was one of her many angry, barbed attacks). It must be tough for Judy to be at the mercy of me and Diane. We do what we can for her, but there's only so much of the void we can fill.

The show will be over in a few minutes. When it is done, I'll go sit with Judy for a little while and talk with her before she goes to bed.

XXX

NOTE: I don't like her to watch what I would consider "White Trash TV," but I try to walk the fine line between looking out for her and micromanaging her life.